While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
