does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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