I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
