i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
