Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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