I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
