So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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