ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
