She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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