EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
