My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Someone signed my nipple.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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