Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
