My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
