Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
