If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize