i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
