Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
