Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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