listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
