Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
