Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
