The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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