I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
