if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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