this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
