If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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