piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she looked like the before picture.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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