Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
