No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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