what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
