So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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