did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
