my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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