I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
