come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
