Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
