Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
