So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
