She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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