Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
