I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
