YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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