Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
