he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
