I faked an abortion last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
