Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
PS: I just woke up from my shower
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
