Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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