I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're a waste of cheezeits
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Floor bacon is actually really good
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
