is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
