i barfeds in our rink
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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