wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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