He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
