I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
