It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
