Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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