You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
