I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
