where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
