is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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