this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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