i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
