video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
