Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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