I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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