I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
