Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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