They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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