Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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