Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
