ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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