He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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