im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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