this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
