Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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