New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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