How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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