Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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